PLGRM

I was once talking to a friend who said they thought they were “conflict avoidant,” and asked me how I would categorize myself.

After thinking about it, I responded: “I don’t avoid it. I think I’m more ‘conflict annoyed.’”

I don’t want to paint myself out as some super mature human. I avoid things all the time. We all do.

Dr. Luanna Marques, former president of the Anxiety and Depression Association of America, would like us to contend with the fact that our tendency to avoid situations is likely the cause of many of our problems.

Anxiety, though, is not the puppeteer pulling the strings in many of our lives. There is a more subtle and insidious one, and it’s called psychological avoidance. When we avoid certain situations and decisions, it can lead to heightened anxiety and more problems.

Psychological avoidance is a quick fix to an uncomfortable emotion. It offers emotional relief, but the relief is fleeting and often comes at a heavy cost. Psychological avoidance is akin to an ostrich burying its head in the sand, choosing ignorance over confrontation, all while a storm brews in the background.

She points out that life is not about being fearless, it’s about knowing how to cope with the fear. That reminds me of one of my all-time favorite lines of poetry (from W.H. Auden):

“To choose what is difficult all one’s days, as if it were easy, that is faith.”